Problem is just the distance between the expected & the reality.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Do you know what is problem ?
LIFE BEFORE COMPUTERS
LIFE BEFORE COMPUTERS
An APPLICATION was for employment
A PROGRAM was a TV show!
A CURSOR used profanity
A KEYBOARD was a piano!
MEMORY was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch FLOPPY
You hoped nobody found out!
COMPRESS was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file!
And if you UNZIPPED anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
LOG ON was adding wood to a fire
HARD DRIVE was a long trip on the road!
A MOUSE pad was where a mouse lived
And a BACKUP happened to your commode!
CUT - you did with a pocket-knife
PASTE you did with glue!
A WEB was a spider's home
And a VIRUS was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the MEMORY in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer CRASH
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
An APPLICATION was for employment
A PROGRAM was a TV show!
A CURSOR used profanity
A KEYBOARD was a piano!
MEMORY was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch FLOPPY
You hoped nobody found out!
COMPRESS was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file!
And if you UNZIPPED anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
LOG ON was adding wood to a fire
HARD DRIVE was a long trip on the road!
A MOUSE pad was where a mouse lived
And a BACKUP happened to your commode!
CUT - you did with a pocket-knife
PASTE you did with glue!
A WEB was a spider's home
And a VIRUS was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the MEMORY in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer CRASH
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
Bill Gates advice to youngsters
Bill Gates advice to youngsters
Here is an excerpt from MicroSoft Owner Bill Gate” speech to Students of High School in California , USA . This is worthwhile reading specially youths of all ages to learn about 11 rules they did not & will not learn in school.
ELEVEN RULES OF LIFE :-
Rule 1 –> Life is not fair >>> Get used to it.
Rule 2 –> The world won’t care about your self-esteem & will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 –> You will NOT make $40,000 a year – right out of high school & won’t be a vise-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 –> If you think your teacher is TOUGH, wait till you get a BOSS.
Rule 5 –> Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity, your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping — they called it opportunity.
Rule 6 –> If you mess-up, it’s not your parent’s fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes and learn from them.
Rule 7 –> Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now, they got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes & listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8 –> Your school may have done away with Winners & Losers, but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades & they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 –> Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers Off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself – DO that on your own time.
Rule 10 –> Television is NOT real life, in real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop & go to work.
Rule 11 –> Be nice to nerds, Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Rajni Can (its really funny u must read)
Rajni Can....... – Top 100
1. Rajnikanth killed the Dead Sea.
2. When Rajnikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
3. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajnikanth allowed to live.
4. Rajnikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
5. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
6. Rajnikanth can judge a book by its cover.
7. Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
8. Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
9. Rajnikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
10. Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
11. Rajnikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
12. Rajnikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
13. Rajnikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
14. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
15. Rajnikanth can build a snowman out of rain.
16. Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
17. Rajnikanth can make onions cry.
18. Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognises the element of surprise.
19. Rajnikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
20. Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 minutes in 20 minutes.
21. Rajnikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
22. Rajnikanth did, in fact, build Rome in a day.
23. Rajnikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
24. Rajnikanth can play the violin with a piano.
25. Rajnikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
26. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajnikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.
27. Rajnikanth can talk about Fight Club.
28. Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
29. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajnikanth lives in Chennai.
30. Rajnikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
31. Rajnikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
32. Rajnikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
33. Rajnikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajnikanth.
34. Rajnikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
35. Water boils faster when Rajnikanth stares at it.
36. Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
37. Rajnikanth kills two stones with one bird.
38. google won’t find rajnikanth because you don’t find him, rajni finds you
39. Rajnikanth gave the Joker his scars.
40. Rajnikanth leaves messages before the beep.
41. Rajnikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa.
42. Rajnikanth electrocuted Iron Man.
43. Rajnikanth killed SpiderMan using Baygon anti-bug spray.
44. Rajnikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.
45. Rajnikanth puts the laughter in ‘manslaughter’.
46. Rajnikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
47. Rajnikanth can handle the truth.
48. Rajnikanth can speak Braille.
49. Rajnikanth can dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks.
50. Rajnikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
51. Who do you think taught Voldemort Parseltongue? Rajnikanth did.
52. Rajnikanth can teach an old dog new tricks
53. Chuck Norris once met Rajnikanth. The result ” he was reduced to a joke on the Internet.
54. Rajnikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result, small pox is now eradicated.
55. Rajnikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
56. Rajnikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
57. The last time Rajnikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
58. Rajnikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
59. Rajnikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
60. Rajnikanth can run at speed of light around a tree and screw himself.
61. Rajnikanth can lick his elbows.
62. Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
63. Rajnikanth does not get frostbite. Rajnikanth bites frost.
64. Rajnikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
65. Rajnikanth got his driver’s licence at the age of 16 seconds.
66. When you say “no one is perfect”, Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
67. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
68. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajnikanth was born.
69. The statement “nobody can cheat death”, is a personal insult to Rajnikanth. Rajni cheats and fools death everyday.
70. When Rajnikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn’t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
71. Rajnikanth can give pain to painkillers and headache to Anacin.
72. Rajnikanth knows what women really want.
73. Time and tide wait for Rajnikanth.
74. Rajnikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
75. As a child when Rajnikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
76. Rajnikanth collects Honey from his private Moon ” HoneyMoon.
77. Rajnikanth can answer a missed call.
78. Rajnikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
79. Rajnikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.
80. Rajnikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
81. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajnikanth.
82. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajnikanth’s fist.
83. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way.
84. Rajnikanth’s every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.
85. Rajnikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.
86. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajnikanth”.
87. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.
88. Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
89. Rajnikanth is a champion in the game ‘hide n’ seek’, as no one can hide from Rajnikanth.
90. Rajnikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
91. Rajnikanth is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
92. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajnikanth is on.
93. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajnikanth.
94. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajnikanth.
95. Rajnikanth’s first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.
96. Rajnikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
97. When Rajnikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
98. Rajnikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
99. Gmail’s new ID: gmail@rajnikanth.com
100. ‘Robot is released. Rajnikanth gives Times of India 3 stars.’
2. When Rajnikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
3. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajnikanth allowed to live.
4. Rajnikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
5. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
6. Rajnikanth can judge a book by its cover.
7. Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
8. Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
9. Rajnikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
10. Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
11. Rajnikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
12. Rajnikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
13. Rajnikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
14. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
15. Rajnikanth can build a snowman out of rain.
16. Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
17. Rajnikanth can make onions cry.
18. Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognises the element of surprise.
19. Rajnikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
20. Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 minutes in 20 minutes.
21. Rajnikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
22. Rajnikanth did, in fact, build Rome in a day.
23. Rajnikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
24. Rajnikanth can play the violin with a piano.
25. Rajnikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
26. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajnikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.
27. Rajnikanth can talk about Fight Club.
28. Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
29. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajnikanth lives in Chennai.
30. Rajnikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
31. Rajnikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
32. Rajnikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
33. Rajnikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajnikanth.
34. Rajnikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
35. Water boils faster when Rajnikanth stares at it.
36. Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
37. Rajnikanth kills two stones with one bird.
38. google won’t find rajnikanth because you don’t find him, rajni finds you
39. Rajnikanth gave the Joker his scars.
40. Rajnikanth leaves messages before the beep.
41. Rajnikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa.
42. Rajnikanth electrocuted Iron Man.
43. Rajnikanth killed SpiderMan using Baygon anti-bug spray.
44. Rajnikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.
45. Rajnikanth puts the laughter in ‘manslaughter’.
46. Rajnikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
47. Rajnikanth can handle the truth.
48. Rajnikanth can speak Braille.
49. Rajnikanth can dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks.
50. Rajnikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
51. Who do you think taught Voldemort Parseltongue? Rajnikanth did.
52. Rajnikanth can teach an old dog new tricks
53. Chuck Norris once met Rajnikanth. The result ” he was reduced to a joke on the Internet.
54. Rajnikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result, small pox is now eradicated.
55. Rajnikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
56. Rajnikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
57. The last time Rajnikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
58. Rajnikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
59. Rajnikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
60. Rajnikanth can run at speed of light around a tree and screw himself.
61. Rajnikanth can lick his elbows.
62. Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
63. Rajnikanth does not get frostbite. Rajnikanth bites frost.
64. Rajnikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
65. Rajnikanth got his driver’s licence at the age of 16 seconds.
66. When you say “no one is perfect”, Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
67. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
68. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajnikanth was born.
69. The statement “nobody can cheat death”, is a personal insult to Rajnikanth. Rajni cheats and fools death everyday.
70. When Rajnikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn’t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
71. Rajnikanth can give pain to painkillers and headache to Anacin.
72. Rajnikanth knows what women really want.
73. Time and tide wait for Rajnikanth.
74. Rajnikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
75. As a child when Rajnikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
76. Rajnikanth collects Honey from his private Moon ” HoneyMoon.
77. Rajnikanth can answer a missed call.
78. Rajnikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
79. Rajnikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.
80. Rajnikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
81. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajnikanth.
82. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajnikanth’s fist.
83. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way.
84. Rajnikanth’s every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.
85. Rajnikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.
86. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajnikanth”.
87. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.
88. Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
89. Rajnikanth is a champion in the game ‘hide n’ seek’, as no one can hide from Rajnikanth.
90. Rajnikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
91. Rajnikanth is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
92. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajnikanth is on.
93. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajnikanth.
94. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajnikanth.
95. Rajnikanth’s first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.
96. Rajnikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
97. When Rajnikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
98. Rajnikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
99. Gmail’s new ID: gmail@rajnikanth.com
100. ‘Robot is released. Rajnikanth gives Times of India 3 stars.’
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Re-arrange letters for new Word (really funny)
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
Friday, September 17, 2010
Top 15 Highest Paying Certifications in the Technology Industry
Top 15 Highest Paying Certifications in the Technology Industry
According to recent salary surveys by ZDNET's Tech Republic organization, the following are the highest paying certifications to have in the technology industry.
Following each certification is the average annual salary being paid to individual responders that hold the certification. I have also listed training resources to learn more information about how to acquire each of the highest paying certifications.
1. PMI Project Management Professional (PMP)
With an average annual salary of $101,695, the PMP certification from the Project Management Institute (PMI) organization tops the list of highest paying certifications for the current year.
2. PMI Certified Associate in Project Management (CAPM)
Next highest on the list of highest paying certifications is PMI's Certified Associate in Project Management (CAPM). The average annual salary for CAPM holders that were surveyed is $101,103.
3. ITIL v2 - Foundations
With an annual average salary of $95,415 the ITIL v2 Foundations certification came up third on the list of highest paying certifications. ITIL stands for the IT Infrastructure Library. The ITIL certification is designed to show expertise in ITIL service support and service delivery.
4. Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP)
Coming in at a close 4th on the list of highest paying certifications is the Certified Information Systems Security Professional or CISSP certification from (ISC)2. The average annual reported salary was $94,018.
5. Cisco CCIE Routing and Switching
At $93,500 per year average annual salary, the Cisco CCIE Routing and Switching certification came in 5th on the list of highest paying certifications in the technology industry.
6. Cisco CCVP - Certified Voice Professional
Number six on the list of the highest paying certifications is the Cisco CCVP or Cisco Certified Voice Professional. The average annual salary of CCVP respondents was $88,824.
7. ITIL v3 - ITIL Master
The ITIL v3 certification - the ITIL Master - came in 7th on the list of the highest paying technical certifications. The average annual salary for ITIL Master certification holders was $86,600.
8. MCSD - Microsoft Certified Solution Developer
The MCSD or Microsoft Certified Solution Developer certification pays an average of $84,522. This puts the MCSD certification at number 8 on the list of highest paying certifications in technology.
9. Cisco CCNP - Cisco Certified Network Professional
Cisco Certified Network professional or CCNP certification is number 9 on the list of highest paying technical certifications. The average annual salary reported by CCNP holders is $84,161.
10. Red Hat Certified Engineer
The Red Hat Certified Engineer (RGCE) came in at number 10 on the list of highest paying certifications. The average annual salary reported by Red Hat Certified Engineers is $83,692.
According to recent salary surveys by ZDNET's Tech Republic organization, the following are the highest paying certifications to have in the technology industry.
Following each certification is the average annual salary being paid to individual responders that hold the certification. I have also listed training resources to learn more information about how to acquire each of the highest paying certifications.
11. MCITP - Microsoft Certified IT Professional (Enterpeise)
The MCIPT certification (Enterprise), or Microsoft Certified IT Professional - Enterprise Support comes in at number 11 on the list of highest paying technical certifications. (The MCITP Database is number 14, see below). The average MCITP Enterprise salary reported was $82,941.
12. Cisco CCSP - Cisco Certified Security Professional
Coming in at number 12 on the list of the highest paying technical certifications is the Cisco CCSP or Cisco Certified Security Professional. The average annual salary reported by CCSP holders is $80,000.
13. MCAD - Microsoft Certified Applications Developer
With an average annual salary of $79,444, the MCAD certification, or Microsoft Certified Application Developer certification, is number 13 on the list of highest paying certifications in technology.
14. MCITP - Microsoft Certified IT Professional (Database)
The MCIPT certification (Database), or Microsoft Certified IT Professional - Database comes in at number 14 on the list of highest paying technical certifications. (The MCITP Enterprise Support is number 11, above). The average MCITP Database salary reported was $77,000.
15. MCDBA - Microsoft Certified Database Administrator
The Microsoft Certified Database Administrator, or MCDBA, comes in at number 15 on the list of highest paying technical certifications. The average annual salary reported by MCDBA respondents is $76,960.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Economies of the world: Explained with an example
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
*INDIAN ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You worship them.
* PAKISTAN ECONOMICS*
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation
by the world
*AMERICAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally
that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
* FRENCH ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
*GERMAN ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month and milk themselves.
*BRITISH ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
They are both mad.
*ITALIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
*SWISS ECONOMICS *
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
*JAPANESE ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon
and market them worldwide.
*CHINESE ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and
arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
*RUSSIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of Vodka
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
*INDIAN ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You worship them.
* PAKISTAN ECONOMICS*
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation
by the world
*AMERICAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally
that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
* FRENCH ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
*GERMAN ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month and milk themselves.
*BRITISH ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
They are both mad.
*ITALIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
*SWISS ECONOMICS *
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
*JAPANESE ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon
and market them worldwide.
*CHINESE ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and
arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
*RUSSIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of Vodka
You Think English is easy? Think again.(must read it very funny)
You Think English is Easy???
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps
Has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... Time to shut UP.....!
Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps
Has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... Time to shut UP.....!
Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P
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